It is the day before my 38th birthday. First of all, i can not believe that i am going to be 38. When people ask me how old i am going to be i have to stop and think about it. I just never keep track of the number. My thoughts inside my head go something like this, "Born in 1972, so minus this from 2010, and i am going to be..." , "38!", I say out loud. Many people have reactions to my response. Some laugh, some look on with disbelief, and some just roll their eyes. But they are all reacting to the fact that i just can't remember how old i am. This is a great way to live. Why does a number matter in the first place? Its the way we feel about our life that really matters. I could be 28, depressed and completely dissatisfied with my life. The number does not matter...its the way we perceive ourselves in this world. I have a long road of perceiving myself in the dark. Most of my childhood life was filed with darkness and small disbursements of light that would come and go and keep me going. These little lights that kept me safe were, what i like to think, angels disguised as humans. Growing up, i didn't have the support of my parents. They were off in their own misery so i had guides and angels such as my grandfather, my mother's brother, and friends that helped me out along the way. After a long road and many years of discomfort it has only been recently that i feel completely renewed, refreshed and filled with light. I am grateful for everything around me. For the life i live and the people that fill me up. Could i have come to this point in my life if i did not know the darkness first? That is a good question. I believe, not. How would we know that darkness exists without experiencing it first hand? I believe that i went through all of this darkness so that i could appreciate how wonderful life can be. Was this my soul purpose on this planet? Hmmm...another good question. I have been twittling with this the past several months. What is my soul purpose on this planet? I had been pondering this question so deeply that i actually stoped doing everything that i thought i loved to do, cleansed my body, and decided to investigate first hand what i am. Who i am. And why am I here? This had plagued me so deeply that i felt myself falling apart in so many ways. My body ached, my heart hurt, and my mind was racing. Why am i here and what is my purpose? I had to know. Many months ago when this process began i had no idea that everything would lead me to this day before my birthday with the utmost KNOWING of who i am. (This is one of the reasons why i had been off line for so many months) I will spare you the process right now...because it is a long and intensive one that has taken me to the KNOWING i have today. So, to make a long story short I have a brief list of who I am...
1. I am Jennifer Burkhart
2. I am a mother.
3. I am a sister.
4. I am a wife.
5. I am a friend.
6. I am a daughter.
7. I am a lover.
8. I am an Intuitive Therapist.
9. I am a volunteer.
10. I am...............
The list is in no particular order of importance for they are all individually just as important. I only know that I am filled with joy when i balance my selves in all of these roles. My life is fullfilled when i have these wonderful roles to fullfill. I am anything and everything when i choose to express myself in these ways. I know that i am not just one of these roles and that all of these roles are important at the same time. I must take time to nurture all of these parts. This creates a juggling act that is only perfected as i practice day after day. Some days are easier than others and sometimes i can easily juggle all these roles and other days i constantly 'drop the balls'. But the fact is that i know 'my balls' and i like 'my balls'! (Ha!) And now that i have realised that i am exactly where i am doing exactly what i am supposed to be doing in every given moment than i am exactly the being that i am. I am!
So... Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear me... Happy Birthday to me!
