Ethan's Web (Part 11)

Ethan has been doing fabulous these past couple of weeks. As you know, we were in Pennsylvania visiting family for several weeks and taking a break from our routine out here in Michigan. This meant that Ethan would have a good two week break from physical therapy. I was a little bit nervous about this and hesitant to be gone for so long. Of course I did not want Ethan to lose any of the strength and progress we had made thus far. But what I did not foresee is how much a break would help him instead of hinder him. It was not only a break and a new beginning for me, as I have written in these past blogs, but it was a time of revitalization for Ethan as well. He thrives on being in the presence of his cousins (Kendall-8 years, and Veronica-6 years) and he absolutely loves his Grandma and Grandpa and his Aunt Holli (Kendall and Veronica’s mommy and my sister-in-law). Aunt Holli has always held a special place in her heart for Ethan and Ethan has always felt incredibly connected to Holli. She is our connection overseas in China to Dr. Xiao, who will be performing the nerve rerouting surgery on Ethan. As I have stated in my past blogs, Holli and her husband Brian and their two daughters, Kendall & Veronica are living in China for at least another year. They are who we will be staying with while we are there for the surgery, whenever we go.

Our trip back to PA to spend some time with Ethan’s cousins, his Aunt, and his Grandma and Grandpa brought a new light into his eyes. The happiness he shares with them filled him up and released him to another level of his healing. He brought this new energy back with him to Michigan and it lingers with him every day. Since we have been home, I have felt him more connected to life and living than ever before in so many ways. For instance, instead of always having to remind Ethan that he needs to do his physical therapy exercises he is telling me every day when it is time to do them! He is motivated to get them done and get stronger when before they were a chore that he had to work really hard at to get done. In the past, I was constantly thinking of ways to motivate him through a star chart, money, and the occasional have a friend over or ice cream bribe. Now, he is motivated on his own and he is reminding me that we need to get his exercises done! In addition, the exercises that we are doing have become incredibly EASY! He had limited hamstring strength before (the muscles on the back of your legs behind your thighs). These muscles are important for keeping our balance (in the forward and back directions) when we walk and run. When we exercise these muscles Ethan is laying on his belly with his legs stretched out as he curls his heel up to his butt at his knee joint. This used to be difficult for him! We have even had Orthopedic Doctors test him in the past and tell us that he has no hamstring muscles. But now, he is curling his legs without any help and he is whipping through the exercises so easily that we have to start adding ankle weights to make the exercises more difficult. And you should see the smile on his face and the sense of accomplishment that overwhelms his entire spirit when he realizes how much stronger he is! He is like a new kid with an incredible sense of confidence and happiness within him that resonates and touches everyone around him! Not only is he getting stronger and he knows it but his Physical Therapist, Heather and his Dad are praising and noticing as well. Heather told me just the other day that she can see his abductor muscles working and getting stronger. She is very excited by this because she knows Ethan had very minimal ability in this area and had to be moved by someone else in order to activate these muscles. Now he is lifting his legs to the side (the abductor muscles are near your butt and hips and they keep you from falling to the left or the right) on his own! And his muscles are twitching like crazy because they are working so hard! Encouraging, VERY ENCOURAGING

Next, the other day he decided to walk down the steps that lead to the second floor of our house. This is highly unusual for Ethan. Normally, he scoots down on his butt because he does not feel comfortable or strong enough to walk. On this particular day, I noticed him walking down the steps on his own while holding on to the railing. As I was very surprised I remarked, “Did you just walk down the steps?” He smiled humbly and said, “Yeah, Mom.” “Are you kidding me?” I said with a smile on my face and excitement in my voice. “YES.” He confirmed. “Wow, nice job Ethan that is just so awesome. You the man!” I told him and gave him a big hug. He was pretty excited. This is something Ethan just doesn’t do on his own. He never goes out on a limb to try something new without me prompting him to do so. And there he was taking a risk all on his own!

Lastly, Dad just reported on Sunday that Ethan ran the fastest he has ever seen him run around the bases at his miracle league baseball game. This is a big deal. And Ethan is extremely proud. His face lights up when we talk about it. This is not all…

I’d like to share with you what else we have been doing to help Ethan reach his goals. We have been meditating and envisioning what it would be like for him to walk without his arm crutches. Yep, I am teaching him to close his eyes while he is doing his exercises and to envision himself standing up straight without his arm crutches and then we talk about taking his first steps and eventually running down the street. With each leg lift, hamstring curl, bridge, and balance activity we are talking through why we are doing this and what it feels and looks like to achieve our goals. We are feeling it now in the present moment. We are also envisioning a healing pillar of white light coming down through the top of his head, down through his spine, down his legs and feet and into the Earth. This white light is helping to heal his body and gives him the strength to heal and become stronger in order to achieve his goals. We have even ordered a free ‘miracle cloth’ off the internet which he keeps in his pocket from time to time in order to give him some ‘extra’ strength. The most incredible thing about all of this is that Ethan is doing it and he is having fun and he BELIEVES in himself. He Believes

Now that he believes and he is claiming his power there is nothing that can stop him. He is seeing results and he is very encouraged to keep going. We have talked about his next goal and he has stated to me that it would be very ‘cool’ if he could walk onto the plane on the way to China without his arm crutches. I almost fell over with joy when he came up with this idea. Like I have said before, we do not know when we are going yet but it does not matter because we know that divine timing is working it out for us. Ethan wants to walk onto the plane. That is all that matter right now. This is very reminiscent of a past goal that we came up with together about 3 ½ years ago. At that time, we were working very hard with Kevin, Ethan’s Physical Therapist, to get him to go from walking with a walker to walking with arm crutches. This was a big next step for him and we wanted him to do this before going to Kindergarten in the fall. We came up with the idea of going to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Kansas City and we would have to take a plane to get there. This was very exciting to Ethan. Taking a plane to go see Grandma and Grandpa was a huge part of his motivation. We told him that if he learned how to walk with arm crutches then he could walk onto the plane all by himself with his arm crutches like a big kid. It worked. Several weeks later he learned and we were on our way to Kansas City on a plane. And Ethan did walk onto the plane all the way over to his seat all by himself! This was a first and a huge accomplishment for everyone. We celebrated like crazy! Of course, I cried. I’ll never forget the first day he walked with his arm crutches at therapy, I never cried with such joy and pride in all of my life. It was the same emotion you get when you get married or when you have your first born child. That day, the first thing we did was drive over to Daddy’s office to surprise him. We had Ethan walk to his office door and just say, “Hi, Dad!” Boy was he surprised! He was so surprised that he scared Ethan with his excitement and Ethan fell over laughing with joy. It was a hilarious site. Everyone cheered for him.

So, now we are not only going to China sometime in the near future but we are going to walk on to the plane without any arm crutches! It is exciting! We will keep working hard, enjoying the ride, and trusting that this is all being divinely orchestrated one step at a time. Until next time, Namaste!

Jen's Web (Part 1) New Beginnings

This is the first part of a series I will be adding to this blog. Although, I will still write on "Ethan's Web" primarily for the purpose of explaining his healing process, I also feel it is important to expand on my healing process with "Jen's Web" since we truly are all connected. I wrote this new addition a little over a week ago on our way back from Pennsylvania in the car as my three kids sat in the back watching a DVD movie and my husband drove. Enjoy.

It has been just shy of 2 weeks since I left Michigan with my three children to drive to Pennsylvania. Today, I return back to Michigan a different woman with a different family. A family more united and healed than ever before. I am a woman more balanced and united than ever before. I have shed past unresolved inner conflicts and have released old energies that do not serve my higher purpose. I took time for myself on this trip to visit with old friends and understand deeply who they are and through them know who I am even better. I am not who I once was any more and I am even better than I imagined. This may seem selfish to say for some of you, but it is true. My life has become richer and fuller. My family’s life has become richer and fuller. The journey I took these past two weeks was a journey that was needed for our entire family. It was filled with understanding, seeing, and believing in the person that I already am and believed that I could always become. I know now what our family is meant for and what I am meant to do and to become and to be all that I am in this moment and forever more. I am not that which I thought I was and knowing this now has released me into a higher dimension and a higher reality. There are many realities that I could take on and I am consciously choosing which reality I would like our family to become. I must be careful though not to become obsessed with this new form of consciousness and worry that every thought will create a reality of one that I may not want. I do not have complete control and I must follow spirit but I can project thoughts that are consciously aware that we are allowed and deserve the qualities of peace, abundance, love, joy and serenity in our lives. When we think highly of ourselves and truly feel deserving of these things that is when they will freely flow into and become our reality. This is what I teach my children as a mother and this is what I project to my husband as his spouse. He is learning too. He learns from me these concepts. Many of which he already knows and just needs to be reminded and assured that he is doing the ‘right’ thing whatever that may be at the time. So, I step into this higher consciousness with the knowing that I am already that which I desire to become. What is that? What does it look like? I will tell you...

I have a family full of love and understanding, peace, and serenity. I have a son that was born with a disability but this was part of our unconscious creation at that time. We know different now. We know that if we see him in the light as an eternal light that heals all and is all things than anything is possible. Thought creates. If I can see Ethan as healed, strong, powerful, and energetic then that is what he becomes. If I can see him peeing and pooping (our kid language we use at home) on his own then those opportunities for that to happen in his existence will arise. If I can see him running down a ramp to get in a row boat or canoe with his father then he will one day do just that. The universe will provide the opportunities for this to happen. Of course, his soul has a say in this reality as well and if Ethan refuses this reality then there is nothing I can do. But it is also my job as his mother to teach him that this is possible. This is the reality that I choose and the reality I wish to become. This is what we can teach our children. Just as engineers create architectural feats of skyscrapers and bridges we can bridge and build our own Heavens on Earth. I see my children loving each other and loving their lives and this is what they are. I see myself as the loving mother who loves her husband and we are all filled with an infinite light that can heal and be present with all things. I am holding hands with my husband, my two sons, my daughter, my mother and father-in-law, my sister-in-law and her family, my brother-in-law and his family, my father, and my brother, and my mother & grandfather (both deceased) and my uncle and his significant other, and whoever else of my family that comes into our circle (Aunts, Uncles, loved ones who have crossed over). We hold hands and send each other light and love. We hold hands with the intent to heal the past, be present, and allow the future to unfold in gratitude. Light heals, light takes away the dark and illuminates your consciousness. It gives us hope and it knows there is always a higher power at hand and that anything, absolutely anything is possible. This is the reality I choose and this is the new reality and new consciousness I return back to Michigan with. For this I am grateful for all of my past and all of my present and I am excited for what the future holds because I know it can only hold peace, love, light and incredible miracles! Stay tuned and return back to hear more.

Bridging Webs

It was our last day in Pennsylvania and I decided to take a retreat alone to a spot a little over an hour away in Emitsburg, MD. There sits a Mother Mary shrine at Mount St. Mary’s University Campus. It is referred to as the ‘Grotto’ and it is the only one of its kind in the United States. I had no idea it was so close to where we used to live in York, PA. Some dear friends told me about this place and I knew I had to make time to go by myself before we left to return to Michigan. This place is said to be filled with healing energy and it is considered a very sacred and holy place for many Christians. I had to see for myself. They were right. I spent 3 hours there, immersed in the energies of Mother Mary, Jesus and the Holy Family. I took my lap top notebook so that I could write down some of my thoughts and what I felt when I was there. My notes from that day are as follows:

As I sit here in front of the Mother Mary Grotto I feel a peace come over me and stay. The peace says to me, “You are already that which you seek to become.” I hear the song, “Let It Be” by John Lennon playing in the background of my mind. “Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.” I know now. I know all that I need to do and all that I need to become is right here in this moment. All that my family is and all that I have dreamed of them becoming is right here in this moment. I do nothing. Just, let it be. I must tell you about one of my runs in Pennsylvania. Several days ago, I was dramatically shifted. Caught in a thunderstorm, I was blessed to see lightening and hear thunder right in the midst of my run. I knew the weather looked ‘iffy’ that morning and that a shower was possible but I had no idea of the down pour that I would encounter. It was a wonderful down pour of rain. Almost as if a clearing or a cleansing was occurring. I ran across the bridge where I had seen the 100’s of spider webs from the days before and I thanked God for allowing me to be aware of such a miraculous site. The clouds grew thicker and I felt the dampness in the air grow and smell stronger. I had a flash of my father and my brother before my eyes. I heard the words of “Going Home” inside my head. I knew what this meant. It was time for me to return home. It is time for me to go back to my original roots of where I was born and to heal the past. It is time to return home. I have not seen my father or my brother in over 20 years. I have had enough running from my past. I feel that I am finally a woman who can face her past with a woman’s eyes ready to compassionately let her inner child be healed. There is a little girl inside of me that yearns for the relationship of a blood family that she never had. She knows that this is not possible but in going to see where she grew up and maybe in talking with the people that once surrounded her life she might go with the knowing that there is never anything ’bad’ that can happen to her and that she is always ‘taken care of’ wherever she walks or goes. I can go as a woman who can hold and protect her inner child. I can go as a woman and face all the people that once hurt her as well as those that once protected her and know that there is nothing to fear. My inner child needs to see in person that she was protected all along and that there was never anything to fear in the first place. All the fights and all the yelling and screaming and all the hitting are no longer alive. They are visions of the past and that is all they are. If I can see in person, with a woman’s eyes of today than my child’s eyes of yesterday will finally know that all is o.k. So then, ‘I must go home.’ This is in my future and I know that I will go.

This is what ‘came to me’ on my run that day when I was caught in the thunderstorm. Not only was I given a pilgrimage but I was washed clean. Being caught in the storm not only gave me the revelation that urges me to continue to heal the early years of my childhood but the rain also made me feel that the recent years past were being washed away. All the heartache and unhappiness of my last 8 years were finally cleansed and washed clean. The rain symbolized a final ceremonial shower that swept the remaining doubt and insecurity that still resided in my energy field permanently away and transformed into the universe. All the fears of when Ethan was born, all the fears that came with being a mother of a child with special needs, all the fears of being married and not understanding what marriage looked like, all the fears of trying to be my own woman when I never had a role model to look up to, all the fears and misunderstandings of life were finally taken away and transformed. York was the place where the healing journey had been initiated. It is where my awareness of consciousness began. And now it is where I have returned for a transformative cleansing of my soul. I have come back to see that every step I had taken on this healing journey was needed and necessary to be where I am today. It has brought me to a place of perfection. A knowing that healing the past is possible and I am finally thankful for all that is and ever was; all the darkness and all the light. In the days to come I will continue to write and share all of my experiences and know that all of these experiences that we have every day are filled with opportunities to heal and be aware of our true selves. So, in respect to all the webs of our existence I will name my web, ‘Jen’s Web’. My web is just as much a part of the healing as Ethan’s Web. Because we are all divinely connected and united in a universal web of love and light. Through our healing (Ethan and I) it is my hope that you will see how truly gifted each one of us is and appreciate each individual for all that they are and all that they have become. Each individual’s journey is our journey. Each individual’s web is our web. Watch, wait, and know that Jen’s Web, Ethan’s Web, and Your Web are all unfolding, transforming, and healing. Let’s finally take this trip together; to return home.