This past month I took some time off. Some time off to go within and work on some severely severed parts of me. I had found that in so many ways I had fallen and I could not get up. My energy had vanished. With each part of myself that I looked at deeper I kept finding so many coping skills that I have learned to use over the years to help me get on with life. Once I looked at what I used to cover up the sores, in hopes of just moving on and it would just go away, I had to examine what was really going on underneath the band aides. There were so many old wounds that I just covered up. Old memories, old hurts, old pains from my past that were eating at my very existence that I just managed in hopes they would just disappear. But what I learned is that these wounds, like war wounds, don't just go away. They don't just scab over and then eventually vanish. They have to be looked at, embraced, loved, felt, and then let go. I was forced to surrender this past month and I feel that I am finally coming out of the darkness that I had to go into in order to see the light.
My energy had dwindled to almost nothing. Like so many times in my life before I had much difficulty getting up in the morning and it seemed like there was no end to the terrible weakness I felt. My mood swings were at an all time high and my anxiety and stress was sky rocketing. But this time, I have no excuses like being pregnant or having a new born or not taking care of myself. I do take care of myself, so I thought. I ate right (lots of vegetables, fruits, and whole grains), I slept about 7 hours a night, and ran about 15-20 miles per week. I was in great shape! So I thought. My emotional being was never quite in shape. I was still edgy and anxious around my children and could not understand why. I took all the latest supplements...omega 3's, calcium, magnesium, vitamin D, etc. But I was still stressed out and far from calm.
To make a long story short, through a series of coincidences I finally realise that these past six years of searching for answers about my son, born with spina bifida, all comes down to searching for answers about myself. The past six years has been a calling back to who I am and where I come from and now with the last couple of months being incredibly draining where I can no longer get myself motivated through out my day, I have finally been given another light to look to. Another chance to learn exactly who I am and what my purpose is on this Earth. This is what I wish to share with you over the next couple of weeks or months or however long it takes me to tell my story. But I now know that the daily trials that happen in my life are just a calling back to who I am and where I cam from. Who and what the hell is this woman talking about? You might ask. Or you might even think I have finally fell off my rocker. But no, I assure you I have not. I have finally realised that every day I live is a blessing and every day is a return back to the creator in every interaction I have and every action I make. So I am going to write about this with the final understanding of what this is all about. I have said before that our children are our greatest teachers. This is true but also in that we ALL are our greatest teachers to each other and in that is the greatest teacher of all letting us make our choices and finding our way back to who we are, perfect loving divine beings of light.
So, I continue to rest up and gain my energy back. In my healing, which is what I wish to share with you, I hope to be reminded and renewed all that I already know deep within me. It is taking the time to go within and tap into all that we already know that is so important and so energizing to all of us. I have my power to do this now, I didn't before. And now I have the light within me to see all the grand miracles bestowed on us daily. So I will remember to share all my miracles with you that I ask for in each moment of every day if you remember to remind yourself daily what an incredible miracle you are.
All my love and light to you,
Jennifer
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