Pieces of the Puzzle

I have decided to share something that I have shared before. I will be publishing something I call "Pieces of the Puzzle" on a day to day, week to week basis. It is about being a mother. I am a mother who needs to share my story and that is what I will continue to do. These are thoughts, just thoughts. You give them the meaning that is right for you. I am just writing to keep my thoughts from running my life. They do not mean anything unless you give them meaning. My hope is that these "Pieces of the Puzzle" will help you in any way they are meant to.

Pieces of the Puzzle

There is a piece to being a mother that still seems to be missing. It seems to be coming up in so many different ways. It can be a cycle of ups and downs. A roller coaster ride that can be fun and scary all at the same time. What may seem to be out of control but stays right on track. I feel that it is time to get off the ride and look at this cycle one more time. In times where I am climbing up the roller coaster hill I mostly feel plagued with doubt. It can have a stifling affect on my day to day activities. Doubt likes to take over and hang out waiting for moments to prove its existence and say, “see I told you that was going to happen.” I find that this creeps up more often when I have not been taking care of myself. A little voice inside me says that I need to take care of myself first. Then there is a bigger voice that says this is selfish and that my job is to take care of everyone else first. This is what we were taught to do. I think of my children, they have no problem asking for what they need and want. “Mommy, more milk! Mommy, more crackers. Mommy, can you do this? Mommy, help!” For them, it comes easily. They announce comfortably and without hesitation exactly what they want. It is us that becomes tired of answering there requests and tired of how they ask for their demands. We end up teaching them to not be so demanding and to ask nicely. We teach them to wait their turn and be polite. We tell them not to ask for all of this or all of that because it is too much or too greedy to want it all. We feel they are acting spoiled. There is much to learn from this. They know nothing else than that they are important and that their needs should be met. We have taught them this from birth. They cry as a baby, we pick them up and feed them, change their diaper. We play with them, wash them, and dress them. We love them. We meet their needs. They get older, we find them demanding things and we wonder how they got this way.

But listen…they are teaching us something. Look into the mirror they are holding up for you, look at the reflection of yourself. You are just as important as your child. Yes you are. Your child is reflecting back to you how you should feel about yourself. I need more milk, I need more crackers, I need help with the laundry, and I need help with the cleaning. I need support; I need to be surrounded by love and those who care about my needs too. Huh? What is she talking about? Some of you might say. My mother did all of this and now it is my turn to do all of this too. My mother took care of everything having to do with the house and children. That is just what was done. Oh really, and how did that work for her? Was she happy? Did she have time to play with you? Did you feel like you were important? Did she show you how she met her own needs? Did she ever take care of herself? Did she ever get sick? Did she enjoy life? Did she look around and take in all that life has to offer? Did she listen to the rain, admire the flowers, hug the trees, awe at the sky, and reach up to the stars? Did she love life? Did she truly and honestly love life? Did she pass along to you how truly beautiful life is and all the glory that life has to offer? Did you watch bugs crawl across street cracks together? Did she ever look at each petal of a flower with you and see how truly miraculous and different each one is? Did she snuggle under a blanket and hold you and create beautiful stories at night time together? Did she ever take her hands and dig them into a gallon of ice cream and slop it in her mouth just for the fun of it? Did she ever be a kid with you? Did she ever enjoy life?

For me, my mom did not do this. She was busy. Busy, busy, busy. Always doing something. Doing, doing, and doing. She was doing the laundry, cooking dinner, dusting, going to work, or crying. Crying because her husband was an alcoholic and was coming home drunk again after riding the commuter train home from work. She was using her words to verbally pick fights out of her frustration over his incompetence and irresponsibility. And then she would be physically attacked by an uncontrollable man full of rage, fear, and frustration. In her mind she had to protect her children from this man and attack him with words in hopes he would stop drinking. But this always failed. He would retaliate with his fists. So my mom never had fun. She felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. She felt alone, very alone and desperate with her situation. She felt as if she should talk to no one because after all this was embarrassing. Her marriage was a failure and she was failing her children. Eventually. All of this got the best of her and she became ill. She fought her sickness (cancer) for awhile. Always looking for answers, hoping. She gave a good fight. But deep within her cells she was tired and really ready to let go. Once she new her children would be o.k. she let go and finally surrendered. Life was difficult to her. It was a hard life full of anger, frustration, and work lots of work.

This is some of what I have learned from my mother. She didn’t feel worthy enough to enjoy life. To take care of herself. She did not feel like she could be a kid with her children at times because she always had to be an adult. The “to do” list was never done. This, I do not want to pass along to my children. But even now, I find that my “to do” list is never done. I have to consciously choose to get down on my knees and play and remember who I am. I am a child of God. A child of the universe. I am learning, growing and tasting life on this planet in so many new and wonderful ways each and every day.

As a child myself, my own children are asking me to re-member all of this. They are asking me to re-member who I am. I am a divine child of the universe. I am here to enjoy life. I am here to ask for help. I am here to listen to what my children have to say, to respond to their needs, and to respond to my own needs. I am here to re-member to play. To re-member how important I am. How I am just as important as anyone else on this planet and in taking care of me and going within I take care of everyone else too. When Mommy takes care of herself she is showing, demonstrating the importance of taking care of herself to her children. Yes, their needs need to be met and their needs are just as important as yours. So now when I make my children a sandwich for lunch, I make a sandwich for myself as well. We all sit down together to eat, because mommy needs to eat too. When mommy wakes up in the morning it is just as important that she takes a shower and gets dressed as it is that my children get dressed. When my children go out to play in the yard it is just as important that mommy goes out to play in the yard too. Whether I play with my children or I go out to play on my own with my girlfriends, play time is important for ALL of us. The joy of life that my children demonstrate and mirror to me I must mirror back to them.

Motherhood is a mirror for the world to see how important each one of us is. We must mirror to the world how important we are and how our needs must be met just as our children’s must be met. Re-member we are all divine child-like creatures of the universe. We have much to learn from our children if we watch and take in all that they are teaching us. They want us to re-member who we are; children of God.

So, you may be wondering, “How do we remember?” We must return to the days when we felt important. When we felt important enough to ask for what we want without hesitation. When we knew, without a doubt that it was our innate right to have what we desired. For some of us, asking for what we want came naturally up until we were in our 20’s. For others of us we have to go as far back as to when we were 2 years old or even younger. We are brought into this world knowing we are important and that our needs must be met. Somewhere in the growing up in life we learn differently. We learn to put others needs before our own. There is a balance of meeting our needs and meeting the needs of others. It is when we have this balance that we feel great about the world. This balance creates peace, joy, and harmony. Balance shows us what comes in goes out. What we are is what we see in others. Balance is created when we see in others what we are in ourselves. We are children of God. You know you are a child of God when you can see this in others.

We must continuously go within and understand who we are and learn to re-member what makes us happy. What puts a smile on your face? What delights your insides? What makes your eyes sparkle? What makes the corners of your mouth begin to turn up? What makes you want to stick out your blue tongue from sucking on a lolly pop? What makes you want to kick your heels up? What sets your sails on a boat? Answer these questions, find out what it is, and then incorporate this into your life. Start small and then bring it in more and more, little by little. Until finally it is a part of your everyday life.

But how? Here is how. 11 ways to re-member your child like divinity.



1. Ask for help because you are worthy.
2. Trust, Have no doubts, everything works out.
3. Connect with others, reconnect with yourself.
4. Return to your roots.
5. Awaken your gifts.
6. Make time for yourself (you are important).
7. Embrace who you are.
8. Love thyself.
9. Be your own Master.
10. Love life.
11. Love the universe.


I will continue to write on each of these 11 areas day to day or week to week. I may expand on some more than others. Thank you for your interest.