Last night, a very dear friend of mine called me to see what I was doing. My plans for the evening were to get home from Aiden’s ice hockey practice with all three kids, quickly have dinner, and get them off to bed. Andy was out of town on a business trip so I had parent duty the past couple of days. My friend wanted me to go out but when I told her why I could not she graciously suggested that we get together at my house after the kids go to bed. “Of course,” I replied. So she came, we had tea and cookies, and shared our lives for several hours. What a nice time this was. I easily forget how fulfilling a one to one woman friend talk can be. For me, I do not do these things enough. But when I do, I find that I am always allowed to understand life and living a little bit deeper. I find relationships with people so important and I carefully choose the depth to which I will go with each friend that I have. This particular woman meets me on a soul level. She has been through tough times and struggles which she has risen above and flourished abounds. The turmoil in her life has taught her extraordinary lessons and she lives her life exactly as she intuitively believes. I admire her and find her inspirational. When I get together with this friend, I always learn something inviting and revealing about life. Last night I was given a very important lesson.
In my last blog, I spoke about my illuminating experience of realizing that my true calling is to embrace and allow ‘The Artist’ within me to unfold. Part of embracing her and allowing her to flourish is releasing ‘old’ patterns that do not ‘work’ in my life any longer. You see, my family (my childhood family) had a history of yelling, screaming, and abuse. Through my conversation with my friend I realized I was still holding onto my past. I had worked hard to release many of my fears and move on, but there, in that moment it dawned on me that I was still holding on to pieces. Many of the reasons that I become so tired and emotional with many aspects of my life is because I am still living several aspects of my life like I was taught when I was a child. I lived in a house that used yelling as a way to communicate. Understanding conversation and peaceful communication was obsolete. I was unaware of the impact this had on me until later in life when I would have my own children. I spent years recognizing this and releasing the ideas that I had learned so that I would not pass them onto my children. Now, I sat with my friend and realized that I still harbored these fragments and lived by some of these past experiences; STILL! Instantaneously, I thought of a song by Traci Chapman and felt moved to find it and play it for my friend. What I found next was when I pulled out the CD to show my friend a song that was meant for her I found another song that was meant for me, ‘New Beginning’. How appropriate. Since my recent revelations I was continuing down a path of ‘New Beginnings’. The song talks about starting all over. “The world seems broke and it ain’t worth fixing.” But then she goes into words of wisdom that I could not deny were meant for my friend and especially me, that evening. The words are as follows:
The whole world’s broke and it ain’t worth fixing. It’s time to start all over and make a NEW beginning. There’s too much pain too much suffering. Let’s resolve to start all over make a new beginning. Now don’t get me wrong, I love life and living but when you wake up and look around at everything that is going down all wrong you see we need to change it. Now this world with too few happy endings, we can resolve to start all over, make a new beginning. Start all over. Start all over. Start all over. Start all over. The world is broken into fragments and pieces that once were joined together in a UNIFIED WHOLE but now too many stand alone. There’s too much separation. We can resolve to come together in the new beginning. Start all over. Start all over. Start all over. Start all over. We can break the cycle. We can break the CHAIN. We can start all over in the NEW BEGINNING. We can learn, we can teach. We can share the myths, the dream, the prayer, the notion that we can do better. Change our lives and paths. Create a new world and start all over. Start all over. Start all over. Start all over… We need to make new symbols, Make new signs, Make a new language. With these we’ll redefine the world and start all over…
I can truly start all over. I have been given an opportunity to start all over. My friend and I came together for casual, woman to woman time. We learn and we create new beginnings from each other. She gave me the wisdom to see with precision that I was still holding onto some ‘old stuff’ but now I have a ‘new family’ and I do not need to bring those old things into my new life. I can look upon my life as the observer and decide in each part of my day when I am living in the old and just simply create a new. No emotions need to be attached and no old emotional trauma needs to live on. Simply said and simply done. In essence, I am being told to create a ‘New Beginning’ and to ‘Start All Over’. There is too much pain and too much suffering. It first begins with me and then it extends to the world. With simplicity we’ll redefine the world.
It’s important to have friends that will bring you to your truth. It is important to be open and aware. Life always brings you new lessons and new beginnings and furthers you on your path. Today, I resolve to continue to “make new symbols, make new signs, make a new language… to start all over, start all over.” It is never too late.
No comments:
Post a Comment