So, much has happened this past week and 1/2 that I need to list all the events. But first, I must say this...The reason I have not been writing more often is because I am exhausted. I have been physically and emotionally tired. But today, I feel that I have been given the energy to write, so here I am.
Recently, after writing the last blog I had been overwhelmed with support from all of you. The prayers and healing have been heard and felt. People have written me emails and letters telling me that they are reading Ethan's blog and praying for us daily. For this, I am so grateful. I know that prayer heals. And your prayers are working. The road to Ethan's healing is getting easier. Clarity has come into my eyes. I see us going to China to have this surgery for him. I see an incredible purpose behind this journey. I can not tell you what it is but I can tell you that I now 'know'. I had been praying for clarity, like many of you, and with the recent events (that I will explain) clarity has come. I must say that my clarity is 'my own'. It is not completely shared by our entire family. For some there is still doubt and some fears and I respect and honor this. I know that if we are to go that everything will fall into perfect divine order. It is my job to simply be aware of the signs and to follow the path. Simple, right? Ha! We'll see how simple it is when I talk about all my emotional breakdowns and insecurities I have had. (; But seriously, I have Faith.
On May 26th, I sat in my living room filled with doubt again. I knew we were supposed to be meeting with Dr. Xiao (from China) sometime this week to talk about the surgery for Ethan. He happened to be visiting the states to be involved in the research that was being done at a hospital close to home. We had given him our phone number to call us when he had a spare moment to meet. We had given the research coordinator our phone number to give to Dr. Xiao to call us so that we could meet. We had talked with the American Doctor about meeting with Dr. Xiao and that we hoped this could be arranged since they were working together this week. It was out of my hands. There was nothing more I could do, but wait. So, there I sat, and began to pray. I was filled with so much anxiety that I knew of nothing else that could calm me. I told God, "Please let this work out if this is supposed to be. Please have them call me today and let us meet with Dr. Xiao. I am having trouble God, help me through this." I kid you not...10 minutes later...the phone rings...it is Detroit Medical Center calling to schedule Ethan's Physical Therapy evaluation to begin therapy next week. (Kevin has a habit of calling with such divine timing). Then after I hang up the phone...the phone rings again...it is the research coordinator asking if I can bring Ethan to see Dr. Xiao now and when can I be there. Ahhhh!!!! Ironically, my husband calls on my cell phone a few moments later and before I know it I am on the land line with the research coordinator planning our time to meet and on the cell phone with my husband so that he can 'listen in' and make plans to meet us there. Incredibly, the baby sitter came to pick up my other kids at the bus stop and I took Ethan to go see Dr. Xiao with my husband.
On the car ride over I am filled with excitement and anxiety. There are so many questions, would we be able to get our answers? We walked into the urology office at the hospital and were introduced to Dr. Xiao. We sat down together and he explained what he would be doing during the surgery, the risks, and the benefits. He is a calm and assured soul. It turns out that he feels that the surgery will most likely give Ethan bowel and bladder function and that it is a simple procedure that he will do for us in China. As I watched him talk I could feel a sense of 'knowing' come through my body. I just knew.
And my husband, who was still doubtful, expressed his greatest fear of Ethan loosing motor control due to the surgery. And the possibility of the surgery not even working. Dr. Xiao believes that this will not be the case for Ethan and in the end when we were leaving explained that he feels that the surgery might even help him to walk better. There are nerves that have been restricted due to scar tissue in the area that they would be working and through the surgery they may be able to free up those nerves and thus allow the nerves to do their job and help Ethan gain more lower motor function. Several times, Dr. Xiao looked at Ethan and watched his walking and repeated that the surgery may even help his walking too.
We left encouraged, thankful, grateful for our meeting. We even found out that Dr. Xiao would rather do the surgery around Christmas break due to his schedule. A part of us was relieved at the idea of waiting until December. We could have even more information by then to help us make our decision and it gives us more time to prepare.
On Friday, May 29th, Ethan and I drove to the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor to meet with Dr. Park for a previously scheduled urology appointment. We had scheduled this months ago when I had 'let go' and decided it was time to start learning to catheterize and do enemas to help Ethan remain dry. My reasoning for keeping the appointment was that at least we would have another option if the Xiao procedure was not for us. Amazingly, Ethan had a very tough time this day. He DID NOT want to be catheterized and to do the enemas and he made it VERY clear. We had a 90 minute appointment that turned into 3 hours due to his perseverance. We finally were able to get the testing we needed to be sure his bladder and kidneys were functioning normally but by the time it came to teaching us how to catheterize and perform enemas we were both so emotionally exhausted that I could not even focus. We were still given the information and some of the supplies we needed but have been unable to follow through with the recommendations. I am just too tired to fight.
Dr. Park did have some encouraging things to say about the Xiao procedure and he was very excited for the possibility and our opportunity for Ethan. He is very supportive.
Tuesday, June 2nd, we went for Ethan's Physical Therapy evaluation with Kevin and his assistant Heather. You will be hearing a lot about Kevin and Heather in the future because we will be seeing them every Tuesday and Thursday for at least the next 3 months. Kevin will be 'the guide' & Heather will be doing most of 'the work' with Ethan. They were both very encouraged and impressed with Ethan and how far he had come since the last time we had seen them (over a year ago). They were impressed with Ethan's strength, flexibility, sensation, and determination. He has muscular strength in places he did not have before, he has sensation in places he did not have before, and he is incredibly mature and determined which he was not before. All factors, that will help him to walk without arm crutches one day. Ethan's goal is to walk with one arm crutch for now and our goal is to get him strong, flexible, and able to do so; if he so chooses. So, every Tuesday and Thursday Ethan will be 'working out' for 90 minutes to increase his chances of walking independently one day. I believe we are in the best hands and I know that he will do it. "Roses" have always been a them with Ethan and his healing. I always know that I am on the 'right path' with him when I see roses, see the word 'Roses', or hear someone refer to it in conversation. I have many journal entries in which I write about roses and how synchronistic events revolve around roses and Ethan's journey of healing. On our drive home, I glanced to the right to look for on coming traffic and from the corner of my eye saw the street sign "La Rose Blvd". Then, I knew that driving 40 minutes to and from therapy every day is exactly what we are supposed to do. So, please feel free to remind me of this later in the summer when we are exhausted and wondering why we are doing this!
Ethan also decided to watch 'Evan Almighty' on the way to and from therapy in the car. There is a line in that movie where 'God' says to Evan's wife, "If you pray for patience, God gives you the opportunity to be patient. If you pray for courage, God gives you the opportunity to be courageous, etc. etc." All I could think of was "I pray for Ethan's healing every day and every day he gives us the opportunity for Ethan to heal." Amen.
Also, in the past week I had made contact with an old friend, Kaz. I have blogged about him before in the past and how he was raising money for a special needs camp through a Harley Ride here in Michigan. He used Ethan as his 'poster child' for the event. He is such a kind hearted soul and we are blessed to have him a part of our lives. 'For some reason' I had been thinking of him A LOT and decided to finally make contact with him over email. 5 minutes after I sent my email to him he called me on the phone and said, "I can't believe you just emailed me! I was just thinking of you and Ethan and wondering how you were doing!" "Here we go again", I think in my head. Another link in the web of Ethan's healing. I don't know what part Kaz will take but I have a feeling he is going to be a special part of our journey. Thank you Kaz, for coming along for our ride!
Lastly, I have been given daily confirmations that we are on the right path, the path to China and Ethan's continued healing. For instance, our good friend and Naturopath (Hallie) was thinking of Ethan the past weekend & knew she had to tell me that Ethan should be taking a certain supplement that will help with nerve connections. Or, I will be climbing the StairMaster at the gym and I will glance across and see that someone is reading an article on China with big red headlines "China's Strength" written across the page. In a moment of doubt I will receive a letter in the mail of someone praying for our family or an email of continued support. There is no doubt in my head that we are all connected and that the web that Ethan is weaving is bringing us all closer together. As one heals we all heal. I know that our family could not take this journey with out you. For you, I am grateful. Thank you.
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