It is very quiet this morning as I write this blog. My kids are sleeping and the day is just beginning. There have been many more changes in our lives the past week. The kids finished there last week of school for the summer. We had Ethan's final Individualized Education Plan (IEP) meeting for the coming school year in 2009-2010. This takes place every year in order to prepare for the following school year and all the extra services he may need. In the past we would talk about how Ethan's education is going and what extra support services he would need and how to incorporate them for the coming school year. Usually, we had physical therapy to help him out with any school issues of getting around and becoming independent with classroom management such as opening and closing doors, carrying items, etc. All things you have to think about a little more when your hands are tied up with holding arm crutches while walking. We also use the social worker to help with social skills and establishing relationships with other children. This is a tricky task, in my opinion. Somehow, you show up as an adult in the school and teach kids how to cooperate, make friends, and interact with each other. Ethan was always a bit shy about making friends with other kids his age so we thought this would help give him the extra boost he needed to stretch his limits. Then there is the resource teacher that helps Ethan catch up on some of his academic skills. I believe he is behind because of having to learn how to move the past 8 years instead of an inability to learn. While most kids were learning their ABC's Ethan was learning how to walk. But this year, Ethan has made tremendous gains. He has grown and blossomed in astronomical ways. He is functioning like a typical first grader entering second grade even thought he is truly a second grader who is supposed to be entering third grade. For this reason and many others that would take me pages to talk about we decided to give Ethan 'another year of growth' as they call it. He will be repeating second grade. For good reasons. He has all the skills of a typical 1st grader and I would like him to, for once in his life, be at the top of his class. He has friendships with children that he has never had before. He is reading and writing just like his typical 1st grade peers and he is finally very independent in the class. All of our hard work the past three (academic) years is finally 'paying off'. He is just like all the other kids except he is only one year older. Goodness, if I had to walk with arm crutches all day I too would be a little intimidated the first couple years of school life. So we are giving him a chance to excel socially and emotionally which will definitely help out his cognitive and physical growth. Kids as well as adults all have social, emotional, mental and physical layers that all need to be balanced. We are giving Ethan the opportunity for all his layers to come together and finally integrate. It is this balance that is a part of his healing and with this balance he will be even stronger than ever before in all areas of his life. That is what the present and the coming year of his life is all about; balance and integration.
So, getting back to the IEP meeting...
As a parent it was my responsibility to convey this 'knowing' to the faculty that governs his IEP and gives him the support services. I think of the support staff as angels that stand behind Ethan encouraging and nudging him to grow and prosper. On the physical layer of his development were the angels of physical therapy, his support aide (to help him get around school with confidence), and occupational therapy. On the social/emotional layer was the social worker helping with his relationships with his peers and his self confidence. His support aide, Ruth, also helped him out with this during the day as well. Actually, she has been his ARCH ANGEL as we should call her. Her job was to float in and out of his life daily helping him with various events through out the day such as getting on and off the bus (yep, I made Ethan take the bus with arm crutches, back pack, and all), helped him get used to going to the bathroom and changing his pull up regularly, with learning how to manage and carry all of his books and papers throughout the day, etc. etc. Whatever he needed to work on, Ruth made sure it was carried through. She was not by his side all day (this would be too distracting and he did not need someone there all the time)but like I said, she would come in and out of his day and help out at certain recommended times. Lastly, the teachers and the resource room teacher of course would help Ethan out with his mental layer and the development of his academic skills. All of these angels would help him daily trying to figure out the best ways to encourage and help him along. Other angels would float in and out of his life through out the school year to help us determine more of his strengths and needs but overall it was everyone working together that had made the year so successful. I had made it clear to the staff that Ethan was to remain in the classroom this year and not be pulled out for any services. This took some time and some out of the box thinking but in the end they pulled it off and showed that keeping Ethan in the classroom this year was even more beneficial to him than years passed. You see, Ethan is just like any other kid and just has some extra development to accomplish. So, lets treat him like any other kid by keeping him in the classroom (because eventually he is going to be in the class all the time anyway) and have the services come in and out as they are deemed necessary to work on the specific goals we want Ethan to achieve. But taking him in and out of the classroom to provide services would merely stunt the growth opportunity of his younger years. As a parent, you have to think about what you want for your child and how to go about obtaining those future goals. Getting Ethan to function typically in the classroom was not going to happen if we had to pull him out of the classroom all the time in order to learn. He needs the opportunity to learn just like any other kids in the classroom. I have always envisioned a typical life for Ethan where 'struggle' is not in his vocabulary. These services are here to help him break out of his cocoon that he feels so 'safe' inside, dry off his wings, and push him to fly. So far, we have helped him break out of his cocoon and he has dried off his wings. He knows how to fly and next year is the opportunity to do this.
So, in his IEP I wanted it stated that he would NOT be pulled out of the classroom for ANY support services except in the hallway or to the side of the class in case we needed to have 10-15 minutes of individual time to focus and reconnect with one of his angels. For some reason, this became a big problem for the support staff. They could not envision not having the luxury of taking Ethan out of the class room if they needed to reach one of their goals with him. I insisted that they keep him in the class and that it was in Ethan's best interest not theirs that should be keeping him in there. I also had the support of his fabulous regular education teachers that could 'envision' this for Ethan and wanted him to stay in the classroom. They had been educated in Educational Kinesiology like me and shared the same philosophy when it came to children and learning. So, this particular morning I knew I would be walking into an IEP meeting that was resisting my request. Just 2 weeks ago we had already met to discuss this and had to break to meet again at another time after almost 2 hours of debating the issue.
In preparation for the day's event I had done something that I had not done in the past; prayed for help. I 'asked' to be provided with everything Ethan would need for the coming school year and to help me 'get' what we were searching for if this was the best thing for Ethan. I then 'let go' and trusted. I prayed this prayer for 2 weeks. Slowly, the information came. I was given contacts of people that had experience dealing with this before and who encouraged me to press on with my requests. I was even given information on what to do if I needed to appeal the process and leave another meeting without signing any papers for the following year. This information came through paying attention to the signs. Casual conversations would lead me to the answers and I would have a sense of 'knowing' that the information that I needed was being given to me. I did not have to force anything. Through prayer and 'letting go' it came. Of course I did the work but the work was not as difficult as it had been in the past. In the past, I would worry and spend an enormous amount of time and energy calling, researching, and investigating every aspect of this as I could to see how I would be able to get what I wanted. This time I decided that with all the time and energy I had been spending on so many other aspects of Ethan's life and my other 2 kids I simply had no energy left to do what I thought was required in the first place and I would have to just leave it up to the universe to help me out. I say universe because I use the terms 'God' and 'universe' interchangeably sometimes. Not that I am disrespecting the divine but that I have beliefs that there is not just one path to 'God'. Anyhow, back to letting go...
That very morning, I woke up and meditated/prayed just like any other morning. I was consumed with some anxiety that morning about how the meeting would progress. I opened one of my inspirational books and turned to the page that talked about 'Listening to the Word'. I resisted this and quickly tried to turn to another page but knew that 'Listening' was my message that I was supposed to embrace for the day. I could not understand why. I am not going in there to listen I am going in there to fight for what my son needs for next year! Listening was not what I 'thought' I was supposed to be doing. I needed words to inspire me to press forward with my beliefs not to be told to listen! I was taken back by this idea and kind of mad that I was being told to listen. But, I went forward with my day.
When I arrived at the school for our meeting I was told that we would have our conference in the teachers lounge instead of the usual conference room. I had to ask where this was because I had never been there before. I was directed into the room. When I entered I was greeted by the Director of Special Education sitting just behind a flowered centerpiece filled with all types of purple and yellow flowers and PINK ROSES. I greeted the director, went to put my hand bag on the ground and noticed, as I glanced at the very spot I was to drop my bag, that a small spider crawled across the floor. I immediately thought of Ethan and the WEB he had been creating. Suddenly, I was filled with calm. I knew that I really was just supposed to LISTEN. So, we sat making small talk as we waited for the other participants to arrive. Eventually, we were all there. Ethan's regular education teachers and his special education teachers and support staff. The director began the meeting. I listened. As she spoke, she explained that after careful review they had decided that writing in the IEP that Ethan should remain in the class was possible and that they would be willing to do this on the condition that they could pull him aside for 10-15 minutes within the classroom or the hallway if necessary and that we would reconvene if the situation does not seem to be working out after a period of time. As she spoke, I felt that little girl inside me start to jump up and down with excitement and shout, "Hurray! Hurray! We asked, we believed, and we received!"
Of course, I was incredibly relieved that we did not have to continue to fight and that 'letting go' and 'trusting' had worked. We spend far too much time worrying and 'thinking' we have to do it all instead of 'listening' and feeling what we are being called to do. Personally, I don't call upon the universe, the angels, and God for help enough. I spend far too much time worrying and trying to figure it all out when it has already been done for me. All I have to do is ask and pay attention to the signs. So, finally, I think I have learned an incredibly valuable lesson. To ask and have faith that I will receive. Wow! There is so much that goes into that statement that I can not even begin to wrap my mind around it in this moment. For now, I choose to follow my purpose in life and trust that when I ask I will always receive. There is one thing I do know, Ethan has played a large role in teaching me this.
With that thought I lead to another... We have decided that Ethan will have the surgery with Dr. Xiao in China. We are just waiting for confirmation on the exact date so that we can start planning our trip. Ahhhhhhh! FAITH & TRUST, faith and trust, faith and trust. I am, I am, I am. WE ASKED AND NOW WE WAITE TO RECEIVE!
No comments:
Post a Comment