The synchronicities in our life just keep coming. There are so many that I have to keep writing in order to keep up and keep track of them all. Yesterday, I took Ethan to his Neurophysiological appointment. It was a 2 hour appointment where the Doctor put Ethan through a bunch of testing in order to determine which of his nerves were functioning 'the best' and which were not. When we walked into the waiting room we were immediately greeted by a vase of a dozen pink roses. I was happy to see the roses but could not understand why I needed this further confirmation why we were to be there. We had this appointment planned for several weeks now, Dr. Xiao needs this information in order to do the surgery, and I felt confident about what we were doing. So I made not of the roses and said a quick 'thank you' in my head.
Everything seemed to be going fine during the testing. The Doctor did a whole bunch of standard neurological testing. Curious, as I should be, I asked the Doctor if this was all the information he needed for Dr. Xiao. He said that this was only part of the procedure and that he had more testing to do. 'OK', I thought. At the end of the first part the Doctor said that it was now time to go into the other room to do the electrical testing and the pin pricks. Mind you, he said this OUT LOUD in front of Ethan who FREAKS at the thought of getting a shot in the Doctors office. He freaked so much one time that he manged to head butt me in the nose while I was trying to hold him so that he could get a shot done quickly. We managed to get Ethan into the other room and up on the testing table. But then it was time for the electric current testing. After, much consoling and talking we finally were able to get Ethan to do the test but he still cried and resisted and freaked every time the machine buzzed. It was a small current that they would send through you skin to get your muscles to move. Yes, I would be freaked too if I was a little kid. But I had remembered the roses in the waiting room and finally understood why I had been given that last minute confirmation. Next came the pin pricks. Unfortunately, the Doctor had shown a needle that he kept some sticky gel in in order to keep the electrodes moist and able to stick to the skin. Ethan absolutely went crazy when he saw that needle! I would too if I thought someone was going to stick that into me. We tried explaining to him that he was not getting the shot and that it was just a gel inside the needle used to make the electrodes moist. I don't think he heard us amongst all the crying and screaming. So, I stood there and just prayed. I prayed for God to take over this situation and to have the angels surround us and calm us down. Of course I did this all in my head. I wasn't getting down on my knees asking for divinity to come in and make this situation miraculously get better. Although, that would have been nice, I did pray for guidance and a miracle. It took a couple of minutes but Ethan began to calm down enough that he could hear us over his yelling and crying. He now knew that he was not getting that shot. But then the Doctor pulled out what he actually did need to do. He had a small needle about 1 inch long and the thickness of a small paper clip that he needed to stick into Ethan's left leg in 5 various positions in order to confirm the health of his lumbar nerves. Again, Ethan began to cry, yell, and carry on. So much that I started to feel that we were not going to get the information we needed and this really wasn't worth it in the first place. I asked the Doctor if we had to have this done and he said that the surgeon needs this information to be sure he was taking a healthy nerve but he did not know if he could do the surgery with out it. He was just following the research protocol and that every child had received this test.
Once again, I began to pray and once again Ethan began to calm down enough that I could talk to him. But now I was getting anxious or had already been anxious but was doing a nice job of containing it. I began to get irritated and loud and at one point told Ethan to "forget it and to get his socks and shoes on because we were leaving." Then Ethan said, "No, I want to do it but I am scared." With this, I saw hope. So, I pressed on. It took 15 minutes going back and forth of me saying we were going to leave and Ethan saying no that he wanted to stay and do it and then another moment where the Doctor walked out of the office out of complete frustration but some how some where Ethan found the strength and the courage to actually lie down and let this complete stranger stick a 1 inch needle into his legs in 5 different places. I cringed watching this and had to turn away several times. Of course, I did not let Ethan know how I was feeling I just stood by the head of the exam table and held his hand and stroked his forehead. By this time he was covered in sweat and had hair sticking to his forehead like he had just run a 5 mile race. Within 5 minutes the testing was over. Ethan was given 2 stickers (a small reward compared to the task he had just overcome) & we went out into the waiting room to wait for our report. I saw the roses again and now finally understood exactly why I had been given this confirmation in the beginning.
A couple hours later after Ethan and I had lunch together and an opportunity to bond again after I had taken him through this terrible ordeal we drove over to Pee Wee Patch for a meeting. I am still trying to keep my therapy practice going and we had plans to develop a program at a near by day care/after school care/summer program. I spent some time in the front lobby talking to a friend of mine about the appointment we just had. We talked about 'the roses' and how they seem to pop up and confirm things for us concerning Ethan when we need them too. My friend agreed that I needed to keep writing about this and with that I looked down at a small hand held calendar on her desk and saw a very tiny rose. I showed it to her and we laughed! Then later on the same day after Ethan and I had taken our daily 40 minute drive over to Physical Therapy I sat in the waiting room and watched as a 5 year old girl ran into the waiting room back to her mom after completing therapy. On her left pants leg were three roses near her ankles. I just smiled, took note, and was thankful for the continued confirmation.
These three roses had reminded me of a dear friend back in Pennsylvania who had given me an angel with three pink roses 8 years ago after Ethan was born. Her name is Kay and she had been on my mind for quite some time now. So often, that every time I passed by a building in our area named 'Kay Industries' I thought of her and knew that I had to call or write. Last minute, during this same day in one of my quick stops home before running off to the next appointment, I had looked in a place where I store old letters and journals from years past. I found one of Kay's letters with her address on it and decided that I would write her while I was waiting for Ethan during his therapy. These three roses on this little girl's pants leg reminded me to follow through and pull out some paper to write. I opened the letter Kay had written me years back and found not only her address but her phone number! At first, I tried to write her a quick note but the folks in the waiting room happened to be very chatty that day and I knew that I would not be getting anything done. So, slipped out the door into the hallway and gave the phone number a try.
Kay picked up immediately and she was so EXCITED that I had called. We talked for some time and I was able to tell her everything that had been going on in our lives. Kay is a beautiful woman who believes with out a doubt that Ethan will walk independently (without arm crutches) and have bowel and bladder continence one day. She felt this from the beginning. We used to work in the schools together in PA. I was an Occupational Therapist and she was the support staff for one of the buildings. She would pray daily for Ethan and she said from day 1 that she would pray for him for the rest of his life. I knew she always had because I would think of her often and feel her praying for him. She is always so firm in her beliefs and convincing. She 'knows' with out a doubt and she will not hesitate to tell you so. I have always needed the support of Kay by my side. I believe that Ethan will do all of these things too but when you have a friend like Kay who believes as well it makes it all the more powerful!
So, Kay prayed for Ethan and our family on the phone and committed to getting all of her friends and family to pray for him too. She said that she is so happy that I called because she would pray for Ethan daily but she now knew exactly what to pray for. We finally hung up and I was relieved that more people (especially Kay) would be praying for our son.
This morning Kay called me with some exciting news. She told me that she had prayed last night and this morning for Ethan and she had told several others to do the same. Kay loves to watch certain Christian shows on TV and on this particular morning was looking for a particular show but settled for a different channel when she could not find what she was looking for. The woman on the channel announced, "I love what we are going to be talking about today. Today we are going to be talking ALL ABOUT CHINA & HOW GOD LOVES CHINA!" Kay nearly fell over. She remembered one of my past blogs and how I had described how awareness comes to us in many forms and often when we least expect it. Now here she was experiencing exactly what I had talked about. She then knew that she needed to call me and tell me what had happened. I was certainly glad she did. Now, it wasn't just me who was getting confirmation it was others as well. As we spoke on the phone I had music playing in the other room and I could hear "Calling All Angels" by Train playing in the back ground. The line goes something like this..."I need a sign, tell me why I'm here, the lines seem so unclear." Then I looked over and saw one of my favorite books on the shelf "Love, Medicine, & Miracles" by Bernie S. Seigel, M.D. Lastly, before we hung up, Kay prayed for us again, and in the back ground played "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall. It went, "Suddenly I see, why this all means so much to me, suddenly I see, suddenly I see why this means all so much to me".
With this I suddenly 'see' why this all really means so much to me. Why it has always meant so much to me that Ethan walk with out arm crutches and physically be completely healed. Why? Because I believe in the power of God and I believe that Ethan was sent to us to show us that the power of God is limitless and that with him anything is possible. We are given the answers to our prayers every day. Are we awake enough to notice the signs and follow the path? I don't always think that I am and I certainly do fail often but every time I pray and meditate I am able to keep going and 'see' why this really all does mean so much to me!!
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