Jen's Web (Part 12)

Yesterday was a great day. I was a bit nervous about getting back together with my uncle after almost 5 years. It turned out to be a pleasant meeting. He was welcomed openly by my family and he settled in comfortably very quickly. I found that the ‘little girl’ in me who based her life on survival skills finally felt comfort with her dad’s return. I say ‘dad’, because he took the role of a father in a most tumultuous time of my life. My children instinctively were calling him grandpa many times throughout the day. I felt the distance between us disappear and a new relationship begin building. This new relationship feels distinctly better and easier. Even my husband commented on what he saw at the end of the day. He remarked, “You two seem different, more relaxed, and fun to be around.” I knew what he was talking about. I felt it too. Our relationship seemed to be emerging into a place of sheer enjoyment. The old feelings of dependence and intense survival had drifted away. New feelings of peace and inspiration had entered. Now, we can just ‘be’ with each other. No more, do I depend on him to ‘save’ me and he does not feel an urgent need to teach me everything he can in a short amount of time. Being together has amplified the experience of letting go of the old survivor and embracing the new peace of our relationship. I can sit with him and listen to his stories because now they are just stories of life. There is no need to learn something that he loves to teach. I am no longer his student of life.

Today, I saw a special bond emerge between Ethan, my oldest son, and my uncle. On long trips where we do a lot of walking, we use an oversized stroller for Ethan. This is to help him keep up with the group due to having to use his arms and legs in order to walk. Likewise, my uncle’s body does not allow him to walk long distances anymore, so he too needs to take it easy and take breaks often. Ethan in the stroller and my uncle with his walking were a perfect match. My uncle enjoyed pushing Ethan around because it gave him something to lean his body on and something to do. He could position himself just right so that when he walked he could put some of his body weight on the stroller handles thus easing the weight of his walking, helping him to go farther and longer. Ethan loved the personal attention. My uncle and Ethan walked everywhere together. My uncle enjoyed the opportunity to tell stories and have personal conversations with Ethan. There was a light that joined these two that I had never seen before between them. Watching them taught me a lot about my son, my uncle, and myself. My uncle had found a new student to teach and I could peacefully observe from the side lines.

As I watched throughout the day I began to remember and reacquaint myself with whom I was and who I am. My uncle loves to tell children creative stories and teach them life through examples. At one point, Ethan and my uncle were sitting off to the side while the rest of us shopped. My uncle pulled out a fountain pen and decided to tell Ethan a long story about the history of pens and writing. By no means was this a boring story and by every means was Ethan fully interested in what he had to say. It reminded me of where I get my love of telling stories on paper and how I used to love to sit where Ethan is and listen to such stories. The creative side was showing and I was proud to be a witness. At another point in the evening my uncle pulled out some gifts he had brought along for the kids. He bought Eleanor a doll, which he had a story of how he found the doll and where it came from. Then he gave the boys individual ukuleles. He had a story for these as well and took the kids through a teaching session of how to use the instruments. The way he teaches is full of patience and quite inspiration. Watching him creatively tell his stories and keep a 3, 6 and 8 year olds full attention was amazing and inspiring.

Overall, I learned more about my uncle and relationships today than ever before. Now that we have put survival behind us we can move forward openly and lovingly into a new relationship. We have spoken of times in the future of getting together and visits that we would like to make with each other. It is a relief to see the light that was inspired in all of us today and a giant leap forward of healing for me. I am thankful that I can finally rest and enjoy a significant person in my life in the present moment. The past is truly now just the past and the present has become the only moment we have together. This is a remarkable feeling to have and another gift added to our lives. Thank you.